Reaching Beyond Myself

This season of my life has been rough, or atleast lately. Not because I lost my job and am now unemployed. Rather because during this season I'm seeing my complete need to be transformed into the likeness of Jesus.

It may sound trite, but I assure you, it is not. I am seeing my pure need for Jesus.

and I say, "it's about time!"

I'm reading this book called, "Practical Justice" by Kevin Blue. Jeff bought it for me at his school's bookstore. Sure I picked it out, but he actually got it for me, which made me feel like I had to read it now. Afterall, he bought it for me. :)

So I am only in the very beginning, but it's one of those books that you read a few pages and have to stop to "chew" on what you just read.

It's challenging, provoking and at times disturbing, but it's exactly what I need for this season of my life.

You see, when I was in college, I was involved with InterVarsity Christian Fellowship. I spent one summer pouring my life into an inner-city urban project that I was very passionate about, but it was hard. Hard in ways that changed my life forever. I left that project sure that I would spend my life devoted to racial reconciliation and ministering among the poor. Instead what happened was that I became the stereotypical surburban housewife of this millienum. You know the one.

How did I go from raising support and living among the poor to driving my soccer mom SUV, while cleaning my potterybarn house as I call to have my nails pedicured and my highlights touched up?

How?

This question wasn't even looming in the back of my head until I picked up this "purchased-for-me, disturbing, thought-provoking, blasted book!!"

As I read it, I am being changed by the Holy Spirit. My flesh is fighting the spirit that dwells within as I am confronted with my personal sin. The sin of acceptance by people because of the things that I have and the things that I hid so they don't see.

YUCK!!

So I'm laying in bed last night, reading.....ya know....."that book, the one purchased for me that I feel I have to read" (but if I really admit out-loud, the one that God is using to change my heart and be confronted with my sin) and I come across this thought.......oh......eeek......huh.....

"The kingdom of God is found in the dirty, grimy, common places of the world. And in his presence we are all changed."

Seriously, the dirty, grimy, common places of the world?

wow, but I don't like those places, Lord.

I like the pottery barn stores and the whole food shops with other yuppies and the nice fitness center, not the **ahem** YMCA downtown, not the store with the....**gulp** foodstamp people. But Lord, I feel....ah....scared in those places. What would my "friends" think of me? Would they think, I'm on foodstamps? oh know, then what? surely, they would talk about me behind my back. Surely they would think less of me. Surely they wouldn't invite me to hang out with them for fear my kids give their kids the "poor" disease.

Then it hits me.

I am pathetic.

I fail to see the presence of God in those dirty, grimy places, because I won't even go there.
I see my sin and realize,
if I stay as I am, I am just lukewarm
and who wants to be spit out of the Lord's mouth?

not me.....no way

So I will go Lord, where you will send me and I will not be afraid.

Labels: life changing moments-2008