Reaching Beyond Myself
Saturday, March 8, 2008
I am utterly and completely drained.......seriously........drained........
We were out ALL day, which on any other day of the week would have been fine,
My son decided he didn't want to sleep last night. So I was up battling with him until around midnight.......drained......like I said.......
Then, completely RANDOM, a girl who is a few years older than me and used to babysit my sister and I when we were in grade school........
called and left a message for me.
I am dreading the return phone call............
maybe that's why I have ANOTHER stinking migraine!!!!
This girl was so incredibly mean to me when I was about 9-14 that I mentally just shut those years out of my mind.....seriously, NO JOKE.
So this babysitter, we'll call her, "the scary one" aka: tso.
She was a product of a LARGE catholic upbringing....14 children in all,
TSO being the second oldest in line,didn't really find her niche in the family. So instead she became the community-wide babysitter.
When we rented her family's dilapidated old farm house next door, (which should have been condemned, but when your single mom is working a swing shift barely making ends meat, you don't what you have to to survive.) TSO became a semi-permanent fixture in my life in those years.
In the meantime, to give you a small taste of her demonic humor toward me.....
Some background.......I had a huge school girl crush on her brother.
Nothing out-of-the-ordinary, just a school girl crush. The kind that fairy tales are made of.
Focus here and get some perspective....it's important for the rest of the story...
This crush, was just that, a crush, not an arranged marriage, but you would have thought so the way that she ran her mouth. Thanks to her mouth and absolute sarcasm and hatred toward me, my silly school girl crush caused me to start questioning life, love, boys, trust, all of it. My self-worth and esteem were killed routinely during my formative years.
Fast forward, SEVERAL HUNDRED YEARS.....and...the last time I spoke to her was in 2002, right after I gave birth to my daughter, just before I had brain surgery.
Now at this point, I had been happily married for 2 years (newlyweds still, if you will, very much in love with MY HUSBAND) and within the first 15 minutes of our conversation she's bringing up her brother to me AGAIN, in a teasing fashion, as if I'm 10 years old again and somehow haven't managed to get over the redneck from the back woods of Harbor Beach.......ugh what??!?!?!
Keep in mind people I haven't spoken to her since 1993 at this point.
HELLO, demented can we say??
So today's list is an ode to all the reasons why I have suppressed memories of these years of my life and WHY I WILL NEVER allow just anyone to babysit our children.
- She would lock me out of the house on several occasions, just because she thought it was funny.
- She would punch me, for no apparent reason, just because she thought she was funny.
- She would tell anyone who would listen that I had a huge crush on her brother...embarrassing at the age of 10.
- She would drive me somewhere and just leave me. (Keep in mind she was being paid to watch us)
- She would just, in general, make fun of me for ANYTHING, to anyone who would listen.
- Oh and my favorite, my cherished dog, whom I adored was hit by a tractor and she told me her brother did it because he hated me so much.....lovely, eh?
Ahhh, the list continues, but due to my gigantic migraine that I'm fighting I will leave it here and dedicate List #9 to my old, spiteful, horrific childhood babysitter, that I have to call back at some point......eeeeeeek!!!!!!!