Reaching Beyond Myself

Friday, September 7, 2007

Heartbreak Alley

Oh my mommy's heart is a bit broken.

My daughter didn't want to go to school yesterday, AT ALL!!!!
She pulled the "I'm sick" card all the way down to, "mom I just don't want to go" OK, I'm thinking to myself, this is unlike my kiddo who is starting her second week of Kindergarten. She absolutely LOVED the first week, so what's up. Hubs and I have been talking to her about her day, friends etc......

So yesterday I tell her to go to class and I will stop by for her lunch hour and check on her. She agrees and our days start.

Around noon I head back over to her school to have lunch with her. She seems fine, acts fine, everthing is.....fine. In fact, she quickly asked me to "leave" as her friends were coming up to her table to have lunch with her. I'm thinking, oh good, she's recooped and she wants me to leave......ok

3:30pm she walks in the door to inform me that a little girl spit in her water after I left. Grrrrrrrrrr, my mommy roar was rearing up. I don't want my daughter to be bullied at school, especially since she's in public school now and we never intended for her to go there, rather private. My worst fear is being realized and I'm at my wits end. It's hard enough to release your child, whom you've been home with for 5 years, into the big world of school, but then to have them be picked on........UGH!!!!
So I don't know what to do. My flesh wants to teach my daughter to kick this little girl's butt, but I know that is not the right thing to do. I just want to protect her and she's out in the big world all alone from 9-3pm

any advice from other moms??


posted by True_Floridian Momma at 10:58 AM


Not sure if I can give advice on how to avoid a bully. Maybe I'd be better at giving advice on being a bully ;) This is why I am so afraid to send Dorcas out into the world. Kids these days are much more mean, I think, than what we had to grow up with!

Hmm... suggestions- maybe mention it to the teacher. Or after you get feeling better maybe ask a couple of the other girls out for a playdate to make some new friends. Or if it happens again then just tell your daughter to pour the water over the girls head. Not politically correct but just maybe the girl will get the point!

September 7, 2007 at 4:04 PM  

I know first reaction is anger...always because we are all human. But im sure u know well that you have to set a good example for her and tell her that it was certainly not nice of that girl to do that to her...ask her how it made her feel and tell her that is the reason SHE should never act that way...under ANY circumstances!! I know its hard. Im going through the thing where my two girls are starting to get physical with each other and Its so hard to get them to realize that they have every right in the world to be angry with each other from time to time...but do NOT have a right to put their hands on another human in an unloving way EVER!!! Oh but when they get older and move away wont we miss all this!! Lets just enjoy it for what it is for now...pray for the little girl who spit...she obiously hasnt a lot of love in her little heart, or the people to teach her how to get it there...maybe your kid should befriend her and reform her...hey ya never know!

September 7, 2007 at 5:00 PM  

I always taught my kids this: Isn't it amazing that everyone we like, likes us back. And the people we don't like, don't like us back. It's really hard to convey to such a young one. I wouldn't be too hard on a public school for this. It could happen anywhere. Lifes lessons to learn I guess. But I'm an ol fart male so this is worth what it cost you.
Sorry about the mayhem surrounding your move. It will get better. Or worse.

September 7, 2007 at 6:56 PM  

unfortunately kids are mean and this includes private school kids... Sometimes, sadly, they are worse. I hate that Adalai has to go through this but, bless her heart, it will strengthen her discernment when it comes to making friends...

September 7, 2007 at 9:59 PM  

I have taught Punkin' that if you stand up to them, most of the time they are surprised you did and they leave you alone. I remember when she was four and was going to a daycare in Sandusky. A little girl had been being mean to her. When I picked her up from daycare, the teachers were laughing and said that Punkin' stood up to the little girl with her hand in a fist (fighting is not an option here either so I like to think she would never USE that fist) and she said, "Do you want a piece of me?". The girl was so shocked that she turned red and ran away. I stress no vilence in this house, but I won't let her be walked over either. It is a hard balance for a mom to know what to do. Our first reaction is to defend our kids and have a talk with the bully ourselves, but we can't lead them to believe that we will always be fighting their battles for them. Sure hope it gets better for your little missy. I am sure this will pass. Hang in there!

September 8, 2007 at 7:07 AM  

thats too bad...Some kids are just plain mean.

My 10 year old went thru that in Kindergarden too..would say he is sick and such..But I told him that kids who pick on other kids must not have mommy's and daddy's to teach them that it is wrong to be mean..

ya stupid..I know.

I am sure once she gets to know the other will pass.

I wanted to go kick the butts of every kid that picked on him..but u cant do that..

at our school here we have a ZERO tolernace policy on bullying..they will expell a kid on the first offence of bullying..

good luck..just give her time to adjust..she will make friends with the mean girl before u know it.

September 10, 2007 at 6:32 PM  

scissor kick?

September 11, 2007 at 3:50 PM  

hmm ... interesting points of views. i guess we can all agree that the subject of bullying is a very difficult situation for any caring parent.

i too went through these challenges. my daughters are now 16 and 18. i believe children as young as kindergarten should not have to navigate these waters. it is the teachers' responsibility to pay attention. when my girls were in elementary (public) school. i taught them that anyone who hits or picks on them should be brought to the teacher's attention. if the teacher can't resolve the issue, then i would have to have a talk with the teacher or principal.

another thing i taught them right from the start is that some homes teach children WRONG. and it is not that child's fault that they've been taught wrong. this knowledge helped my daughters to have empathy for a child who's acting out due to their own feelings of helplessness.

as young women they have the same basic thinking about others. i think this understanding builds patience and kindness in a child.

all easier said than done of course. good luck!


September 18, 2007 at 2:07 PM  

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